"Get over it!"










...I can't. Not about the topic, but how he yelled at me and said that. I've cried many times over the past four years that we've been together. I sit here and I wonder what about, you know? I broke down so hard one day after realizing how bad of a girlfriend I was towards him. Why do I make a big deal out of something so tiny? I blame him for my faults and you know what he does? He sits there and he takes it all in. He takes in all the punches, all the yelling, all the screaming, all the crying, everything. He's put up with so much and not a peep out of him. He never complains. He never tells me that he's fed up with me. Four years and for some reason I always brain wash myself to think that he was at fault and he was to blame. I always made him sound like the bad guy but in reality it's me.

I want to change for the better. I want to change for me. I want to change for him. I want to change for us. There's no point in our arguments because we always go around in circles. In the end we forget why we even started arguing. In the past four years that we've been together I've become more childish and immature. I haven't grown with our relationship. I haven't learned anything nor have I made a true foundation in our relationship. But him... he's grown so much. He's so much more mature than me. He's learned to put up with everything. He knows my faults. He knows why I start things and mos def knows how to get through it. Why is it that I can't learn? Why can't I teach myself? I think I've blocked that off and haven't even tried in the past few years.

I love him. I know that for a fact. I see us growing old together and it makes me really happy. But how does that come true if I can't learn or grow. I gotta stop denying the fact that he truly does care and that he truly loves me. I'm just scared to get hurt again. I know it's been a while but I still have that feeling and I know he does, too, so much more than me I'm sure. But it's still there and I know FOR SURE that that's something I need to get over because I know him... and he'll always be there no matter what and he'll try to put up with me until he tires himself out or I push him over the edge... and I know we'll always be together, boyfriend or even just friend.

At work today it was terribly slow, or should I say "quiet." Anyway, I got to work and even though we had an event my department stayed spotless. No clothes on the floor, no tons of go backs, nothing. It was nice to come to work and not really stress out about the fitting rooms, or go backs, or floor sweeps. I did encounter a mother and daughter who very much were the rudest couple I've had all week. The daughter didn't ask for a fitting room, instead she stood in front of a mirror and just tried on clothes. After she was done she would just throw it on the nearest rack not even hung. It was slow so I would just walk around once or twice and pick up after her. Normally I would say something but for some reason I kept quiet. Her mother was worse! She tried on coats and for some reason was too disabled to grab the hanger and hang it back up, so she'd just throw it on the floor. I'd do the same with her, walk around once or twice and pick up after her. There was this one time where I picked up a blouse off the floor, got a hanger and hung it right back where it should be. All of a sudden after I did that her mother starts to yell in their language. Her daughter comes running towards me and asks if I picked something off of their cart. I calmly said no and told them that I just picked up a blouse off the floor. She says, "Yes! The blouse on the floor was mine!" Alright... then don't yell at me and say that I took it out of your cart. I've been in retail for two years. I've had the worse customers known to man, I mean real bad. But I think the worse are just inconsiderate slobs who know you're there picking up after them but they still don't care and they rub it in your face by doing it purposely in front of you.

So, after all of that I decided I should help customer service ring some customers just so the line would die a little. As I was ringing up a family I over heard their conversation and I can hear the daughter talking about some person they knew and she said something like, "Is she retarded? I think she's retarded. Something is wrong with her. She's mentally retarded." And her dad replies by saying that there's something wrong with her ever since she met her, "She's not ugly but I always thought something was wrong with her... yeah..." Sheesh!!! Are you kidding me?! Have some decent respect for this person you're talking about. I'm sure as hell you wouldn't want to hear one of your friends call you retarded, or stupid, or dumb and believe it was fact.

Geese, slow day, but some very, very rude customers. I hate retail.

So, I caught myself watching the History channel one day. It was the day I woke up real early, for the first in a while, actually. Anyway, I watched the whole day pretty much, with some channel surfing here and there while the commercials went on. The only reason I found the channel was because I couldn't find a single channel that had the news. So, I flipped through ALL of our channels and just found an interesting show on the History channel. My point with this topic is that the History channel is awesome. Where has it been all of my life?

School started a few weeks ago. I have yet to get my parking permit and my I.D. sticker. Hopefully the line tomorrow isn't terrifying. My art class is three hours long and on some days the class goes by so quick and on some days I wish I could sneak out and just sit under a shady tree out in the quad. My teacher is so hippie, by the way. Her long hair that looks like a horse's tail and the clothes she wears; long skirts with a frou frou like top. Meh... as long as I get a good grade. That. Is. All.


All is well for the moment. I can't complain. Aside from the heat and wanting to install a shower in my car so that I'm not sticky the whole day, everything is great.